You Are Perfect

Ernest Holmes, New Thought leader and visionary, and the rock star, Pink, have something significant in common. Can you imagine? Both of them have an important message for those of us who might feel less than perfect - especially because of having had an abortion.

If you listen to pop radio or have teenagers, you have probably heard Pink’s hit single, “Pretty, Pretty Please.” It is a poignant song that flawlessly captures the struggles so many of us have in growing up and learning to be the person we were meant to be.

As I listen to her words and watch this video, I realize how seemingly insignificant events can impact who we are and how we react to our world. For the girl in the video, it wasn’t just about her teddy bear, it was a steady pattern in her life of being misjudged, misunderstood, and mistreated by those around her, people who did not see who she really was.((How Childhood Experiences Can Cause Us To Be Fearful). By the end of the story, now a young woman, the girl finds herself home, at peace in the perfection of her own being. She knows that she is perfect and she is ready to model that knowledge for her daughter.

Ernest Holmes teaches about this kind of perfection, a reflecion of the Divinity within each of us. Many of us believe in a power greater than ourselves, whether we call it God, Spirit, Universe, Divine Intelligence, or Creator. In The Science of Mind: A Philosophy, A Faith, A Way of Life, Ernest Holmes writes that “Healing is not creating a perfect idea or a perfect body; it is revealing an idea which is already perfect.”

Wow. Healing reveals to us the perfection that we already are.

I believe we are spiritual beings having a human experience. If that is true and we are made from a source that is God/Spirit/Universe, wouldn’t we have that perfection inside of us?

As a woman struggling with feelings of imperfection – manifesting in the form of guilt and shame – this idea was revelatory. Growing up Catholic, I was taught that I was born a sinner, and there was nothing perfect about me. But once I began to shift my perception and consider a different possibility, that perhaps I was not born with sin, but with a spark of my Creator, I found lasting healing. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, who discovered her way home inside herself, I discovered my way home, to the Divinity within my own being.

Today, as I listen to this song by Pink, I feel the transformation of my own soul from one born with original sin to one that is free and at peace knowing that I am whole, complete, and perfect as I am. I don’t know Pink’s spiritual philosophy, but based on the passion and truth of this song, she intuitively knows exactly who she is and who we all are. We are nothing less than perfect.


Namaste.

The Perfect Mother

The instant my daughter was born I made a promise to myself and to her that I would be the best mother ever. It didn’t take too much sleep deprivation to remind me I was human!

And yet, for years I continued on my mission to prove myself as a mother. I had to prove I was a good mom — to myself and to the world. I had such deep shame over the abortion I’d had years earlier that aspiring to sainthood seemed the best way to hide my secret. Afterall, if I was an impeccable mother, no questions would ever come up to suggest that an abortion was part of my past. I wondered, how could a “good” mother choose an abortion?

Shame is often referred to as the secret emotion because of the intense need the person feeling it has to conceal it. For me, the longer I buried the experience and tried to hide it from even myself, the harder it became to live my life authentically. I wasn’t living for me or for my daughter, I was living in fear and shame.

I have no doubt that my Catholic faith had a lot to do with these feelings of shame. Sermons about the evils of abortion, combined with teachings on original sin, reminded me regularly of what I had done and how mortally I had sinned. 

It took many years and many hurts to realize that my religion did not need to define my spirituality and that the Church was made up of human beings just like me. None of us, not even our priests, are exempt from the imperfections of humanity. I watched the clergy-abuse crisis unfold in my own backyard in Boston, and realized that my “sins” were no worse than many of the clergy who espoused a life’s vocation of following Jesus. 

As I learned to open up to other viewpoints, my spirituality evolved to where I could begin to think for myself, not simply as I was instructed to think by my religion. I began to see myself and my abortion in a whole different light. I wasn’t a sinner, I was a human being made in the image and likeness of God. And abortion wasn’t a sin, it was one possible answer in a world where both options were painful.  

Today, I strive to be the best mother I can be to my three kids. It isn’t easy to do as a single parent, but I no longer do it out of fear for being discovered, going to hell, or finding myself otherwise unworthy. I do it because I was chosen by them to be their mom for all the gifts I have to offer them. I make mistakes just like everyone, but I no longer berate myself afterwards for long periods of time. I take a deep breath, think about what I can do better next time, reminding myself this is where I was born to be and what I was born to do. 

For anyone still trying to reach sainthood, attain perfection in parenting or otherwise hide behind the mask of shame, I hope you find peace one day knowing that you are whole and perfect just the way you are.


Namaste.