The Transformational Power of Love

My journey to healing from abortion was forced upon me more than eleven years after it, in 2003, when I miscarried that year at nine weeks. I had no choice but to pay attention to the devastation I was feeling at the loss of another baby. It wasn’t until the winter of 2012, however, almost twenty years after my abortion, that my healing journey came full circle.

The steps along the way proceeded incrementally, each giving the next the foundation necessary for the subsequent step. I went from acknowledgement to grief. Through grieving, I learned to let go of judgment and forgive myself. And from that acceptance came love and worthiness — the final lesson in healing.

It started in February 2012. I had been reconnecting with high school friends on Facebook, and one of my former classmates suggested that I check out James Van Praagh’s book, Growing Up in Heaven. We had not talked about the loss of a child, the theme upon which this book is written, so she had no idea that I might need to read it. Her intuition spoke and she listened. 

I couldn’t wait to get the book. I ordered and waited as patiently as I could for it to arrive. 

When the book finally got here, I devoured every word of it. And when I got to page 98, I knew exactly why I needed this book. The author writes, “From a spiritual perspective, abortions are lessons for the mother to learn self-love and self-worth. In the case of abortion, the soul always knows that the fetus will be aborted and does not attach itself to the physical body of the unborn.”

My intellect devoured these words, but they still had to find their place in my heart for the circle of healing to be complete.

At that time, I was in full-blown menopause. I had been catapulted there at age 48 following a time of extreme stress. I had irregular periods, gained some weight and was having pain in my knees and hips. For six months I had been having hot flashes and couldn’t sleep through the night. I was up and down repeatedly to use the bathroom, and had a hard time falling back to sleep.  

After reading Van Praagh’s words, I reflected upon where in my life I lacked self-love and feelings of worthiness. My thoughts turned to my abortion and to Mary, my unborn daughter. The idea that she not only chose me but that she loved me deeply entered my consciousness. As I let the feeling of her love and Van Praagh’s words mingle, a feeling of wholeness came over me. I felt like I was being lovingly and tenderly held. If that presence loved me this deeply, how could I not love myself? Realizing this was a moment of grace.

After that, I never had another period or hot flash. I slept through the night, every night. My weight stabilized. Within a month, my knees and hips, already under chiropractic care, ceased being painful. Menopause ended for me in a matter of months, not the years I was told to expect. It was as if the meeting of heaven — in the form of my baby's soul — and earth — in my human form — healed and transformed me. 

I have no doubt the power of love is transformational. You may have entirely different results when you invite the connection between your mind and your heart, but you will have results, of that I am certain. When you open your heart and invite love in, miracles can't help but occur.


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